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Re: (Draft 3) [ann] 1st JNUG meeting and NetBSD BOF

独断と偏見による添削です(もう手遅れだったらごめんなさい)。

On 29 Jul 1999 01:15:02 +0900, makoto@hauN.org (みのうら まこと) wrote:
> 
> 
> Call For Partitipation:
> Japan NetBSD Users' Group Promotion Meeting/1st Annual Meeting

"Promotion Meeting" は "Organizing Meeting" とかの方がよくないでしょうか。
あと、"1st" は "First" と綴った方がいいと思います。

> NetBSD BOF
> 
>                                             Japan NetBSD Users' Group
>                                       Promotion Preparatory Committee
>                                          NetBSD BOF Program Committee
> 
> 
> We are pleased to announce that the Japan NetBSD Users' Group (JNUG)
> will hold the promotion meeting / first annual meeting on August 21.
> Also held a NetBSD BOF for free partitipation.
> 
>     - Japan NetBSD Users' Group Promption Meeting/First Annual Meeting
>         date:	       Saturday, August 21, 1999  13:00-14:30
>         registration:  Registration must be done via WWW at the following
> 		       JNUG member registration page:
> 		       http://www.jp.netbsd.org/ja/JP/JNUG/ (in Japanese)

On-line registration in advance is required.  To register, see
http://www.jp.netbsd.org/ja/JP/JNUG/ (NOTE: page in Japanese).

>     - NetBSD BOF
>         date:		Saturday, August 21, 1999  15:00-18:00
>         Registration:	Not required.  Please feel free to join.
> 			Any request of what to talk about and/or listen to
> 			should be sent to admin-ja@jp.netbsd.org in advance.

"If there's any particular topic that you want to talk or hear about,
please let us know in advance at admin-ja@jp.netbsd.org."
 
>     - Common issues

"Common issues" ではちょっと変なので、

      - Location and fees

>         Place:    Surugadai Campus, Nihon University, Tokyo

"(bldg. and room numbers to be announced)" とか加えておいた方がいいのでは
ないでしょうか。

>         Fee:      Free
> 
> 
>   You will find the detailed program of the annual meeting and the BOF at 

"You will find the program details of the ..."

>     http://www.jp.netbsd.org/ja/JP/JNUG/announce/meeting1.html
>     (in Japanese)
> 
> 
> Finally, we will appreciate that you will join us to administer JNUG.
> Do not hesitate to mail us to staff@jp.netbsd.org for detailed info.

"We would appreciate it if you could join us and help us run JNUG.  If
you are interested, please contact us at staff@jp.netbsd.org for more
information."

> 
> Thank you!
>